my celebrity crushes suck because i don’t want to have sex with them or kiss them or touch butts or anything i just want to be their best friend and work with them and have conversations and have in-jokes and somehow it’s worse
- JESSE EISENBERG: People on the street say mean things to me.
- INTERVIEWER: Like what?
- JESSE EISENBERG: I get called Napoleon Dynamite because I have curly hair. I live in New York City and I ride a bicycle. I always bike down 9th Avenue and there’s this kid who goes to school there named Abraham. Every time I pass him, he calls me Napoleon Dynamite. He screams it out and his friends laugh. That was a fine movie but I wasn’t in it.
- INTERVIEWER: What do you say back?
- JESSE EISENBERG: I say, “Please Abraham, I’m not that man.”